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January 8, 2015

My new year resolution is simple:
Write more, update more, share more.

I’ll start with my recent trip to Malaysia.
For almost a week I stayed at the house I grew up in.
Without my parents. Without my wife.
All alone in a familiar place without the familiar people.
A really weird dream.

I looked at my old books, photos, toys.
When I was young I vowed not to grow up, and I’d never abandon all the things I loved.
Me feeling distant in my own room was proof that, in the end, everyone grows up.
We always make promises to our past we cannot keep.

What we need to keep, is the spirit.
The curiosity, the fascination of being young.

I drove to many places by memory.
Those American movies which the protagonists return home to find everything the same?
That’s a load of BS.

I could not shake the feeling that as ‘backwards’ as my hometown can be, the one being left behind in the end, was me.

Perhaps the most bizarre incident of all, was my neighbourhood comic shop.
I stopped by, just in time to see them moving all the furnitures out.
The sisters who ran the shop saw me and said: long time no see.
And then they hopped on the truck, not knowing where they’ll end up next.

It was like that episode of Louie when the girl simply jumped on the helicopter and left.
Except it was real.
My past was literally leaving me behind.

I felt like I should be sad, and looking back I probably WAS sad.
But at the same time I recovered instantly.
Like I was immune to this sadness.
Because I knew life can’t stay still.

For six days I had the opportunity to live my life as if I never left.
I did not take many personal photos.
Even if I did it was with the phone.
Perhaps one day I’ll forget and regret about this.
But I really appreciate the closure.
Not many people get to have the second chance.

I will end this post while simultaneously start the year with a quote.
It’s from a movie I saw on the plane back:

I’m bad, and that’s good.
I will never be good, and that’s not bad.
There’s no one I’d rather be than me.

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